Johannes

“But if we start imagining God as behind the world, or beyond, or prior, or separate in any way, we have already stirred up mud in the clear water.”

I found this reading to be really interesting because it’s sort of the opposite approach I take when looking at God and his relation to me and the world. This reading stated over and over how God is all things and he’s not separate from anything or anyone. I feel separate from God and I don’t see that separateness as muddying up clear water or in any way negative. The way I think about God’s relationship with people is kind of like from the perspective as a parent. When a child is an infant, the parent has to be with that child 24/7 to do everything for them because they don’t know how to take care of themselves. As the child grows older, a parent does less and less because the child slowly becomes capable of independence. Finally, a child is no longer a child, but an adult and can take care of themselves. At this point, the parent isn’t doing everything for their son or daughter or telling them how to solve all their problems because they now have most of the tools to fix it themselves. Mom and dad call and check in, and may offer advice if it’s really needed, but ultimately they are on their own. I feel like that’s how God works. It’s not that he doesn’t care or couldn’t help you or even that he’s not watching, but like a parent, eventually trusts in your ability to make good decisions or to rectify a situation when you make poor ones. I don’t really see God in everything and I’ve never felt like God was working through me. When I accomplish something in my life or when I screw up, I don’t attribute either to God. I don’t feel like he takes such an active role in everything. It’s not that I think he isn’t present, but if he was going to do everything for us, why the hell would we even be here? I feel like he’s more on the sidelines like a coach or guide or a parent cheering you on and believing in your ability to think for yourself. I feel like he shows up when we truly need it. The only time I’ve ever really felt the presence of God is when I visited the Dachau concentration camp and stood in the crematorium in front of these two giant ovens and listened to a former prisoner tell me how he had put his father’s body into the oven we were staring at. I needed desperately to feel God and know that he was there in that moment and became filled with this profound sense of peace I can’t put into words. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say at this point and sort of feel like I’m off topic, but there it is…